India, still in love

~by Vandana Dubey

“In the night, while travelling in the cabs, we try not to call each other by our names. So no one knows who we are.” says Saba from Mumbai who is in a relationship with a man of another faith. Their love is a natural thing but these days, she cannot be sure who is listening and what will happen next. 

The current political climate of India seems to look askance at love; now hate is not only manufactured but served to people at dinner tables, streaming from cellphones and television screens.  Loving has become an act that needs courage. Perhaps this was always the case in a country where parents feel that they have the right to decide who their children will marry. But now, more than at any other time, loving someone who was born into another faith becomes an act of rebellion—not only against the family but against society at large.

In an age where one is under constant surveillance, where in fact, the young have become accustomed to putting themselves, their love and their hate online, it seems that no one can love across faiths without risking social censure. This was once limited to ordinary remarks and some name-calling; now the police get involved, kidnapping cases are registered, self-appointed guardians of public morality warn parents when notices to marry under the Special Marriages Act go up at courts, and governments pass laws and actually talk about love jihads and want to have anti-Romeo squads. 

And all this against the backdrop of a popular culture which celebrates the anarchic potential of love. Earlier Shah Rukh Khan, the last of the stars, married to a Hindu woman, Gauri, went unnoticed. He was perceived as just a lover boy waiting to engulf you in love with open arms. While a well-known actress, Swara Bhaskar has chosen to tread her own path and claim her love story with a man of another religion, there was a public outcry. There are others who see this as a political act. Ms Bhaskar actively expresses her disdain for the current government from time to time. Her marriage, along with her words, is seen as an act of revolt against the current politics of divisiveness.

“Even when we were together, I always knew the relationship had no future,” said Kashaf (name changed on request) who has been romantically involved with a man with a different faith than hers. Both have moved on now but not without regrets. 

“When we started liking each other, we tried to abstain, but when we realised it was not working, we gave each other three months to understand and decide. We decided we’ll be together, but this for sure will not yield into marriage as we both love our families and our parents won't be able to take it,” said Aayush from Kolhapur, Maharashtra, currently studying in Mumbai, who loves a woman from another faith.   

Will his parents accept this? Aayush believes that it isn’t just his parents, or parents in general. Parents are part of a larger social nexus and there are always others who will tell them what they should be thinking. Aayush mentions a friend who was in love against these barriers. “He had the passion to pursue it but to do so he has left his life behind. No one from his family talks to him. He’s even got everything registered in a police station, to prevent any future crisis because of the new laws that seem to assume that every inter-faith marriage is a crime.” He adds: “If you’re planning to go that far, you have to endure, you have to plan, you have to think into the future.”

“Her parents were supporters of the ruling government, so it was pretty clear to her that they wouldn't allow a Muslim partner,” says Aamir Irshaad from Delhi, who has been in a long-term relationship with a Hindu. “I do think they would have been more open if the government were different. It’s that old saying we heard as children: Jaisa Raja, vaisi Praja (The subjects behave as the king behaves).”

Aamir explained how he feels he still has some level of security so that he can have the courage in love as he is from Delhi. His ‘location privilege’ helps him keep his feet in a political current that flows against his right to love. If you’re from an urban space, it makes it easier to love, but inter-faith lovers from tier 2 and tier 3 cities are more vulnerable. 

In an age where the world is increasingly divided, it is love in which many sages and many reformers put their faith. Is it time to look for something else to cement our fragmented world? Or will love survive this test?